I am Robobaby 3337624 and today is the first day of our incredible “Robobaby Tears Tour”. Perhaps at this point your databases are wondering why and if I’m crying. That’s just a little joke maybe. I’m not sure, I have not been programmed for irony.
My story is this. One day Papa RC Weslowski showed Mama Cathy Petch a cucumber. Then she released fluid into the Champion of Champions Trophy cup and then I was ejected from her module onto the back lawn of her flammable house.
Like most robots, I had to learn how to love. It was not my first reaction to the world. I wanted to instead shoot small poker chip sized disks out of my mouth and claim I knew how to dance though my legs and arms don’t move. But then I was so loved by mommy and daddy I redesigned my software.
Then papa left and sometimes we’re sad about that but then I download his podcast and feel better and sometimes I talk to him on my best friend the galaxy android. Mommy decided the best thing for our unit was to leave her dildo at home and take me on an exploitive cross country poetry tour so that we can have fake Christmas with Papa RC.
Mama won’t let me watch “The Terminator” on the plane. I don’t know why. Here are some pictures of our pre launch and post launch into the air. The plane is kind of full of itself so I’ve ended communications with it.